On The Verge of Tears

So, this one isn’t so heavy with metaphysical rhetoric, it’s truly about the facts.  I’ve gone through several months of medications, and finally had two doctors agree, there’s something odd about my heart.  So, I fast and try to relax in the waiting room while I pour over some Sookie stories.

I’m eventually shaved, and poked, and wired, and scanned, and turn radioactive.   Sometimes I lay as still as possible while a robot circles me with his eyes to see inside of me;  sometimes I run, further and further uphill, faster and faster, until I soak my hair and top out my rate.  Then I can hear my heartbeat amplified while I’m coated in jelly and photographed from the inside.

And I wait.   In fear, for two weeks, I wait.  It’s not what they thought.  It’s nothing.  It’s something, but something else completely.  I don’t know what and I don’t know whether to be relieved, or be more worried.

The health of my heart is certain, but that is about the only thing so far.

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