Domino's Pizza Experiment

Okay, we certainly know full well that cheese is not vegan.  But, it really irks us when people ask us “are you allowed to eat that?”  Allowed by whom?  We allow ourselves to do and eat whatever the hell we want.  That’s why on my birthday I ate raw salmon, and that’s why tonight, we decided to try Domino’s new and improved, completely re-recipeed pizza.

Now, first off, I’d like to voice my skepticism and a little pizza preference.   Pizza is delicious, no doubt, but there are a hundred opinions of what makes a good slice of pie out there, and here’s mine.  First of all, Philadelphia is known for a few food staples.  Philly Pretzels, Philly Cheesesteaks and Philly Pizza.  Now, you’ve got your Chicago-style, your New York-style, and your Philly-Style Pizza.  Most often, Philly-style is epitomized by Lorenzo’s Pizza on South Street for the late night, drunken, cheap and quick slice.

Let me make myself absolutely clear on this subject.  Lorenzo’s Pizza SUCKS!  Shitty dough, unwieldy to handle, undercooked and soft, dripping with grease…I really feel ashamed when out-of-towners are told that they have to have a slice of this train wreck of a culinary experiment.  Lorenzo’s sucks so bad then you actually have to pay extra to get a box!

A lot of people also claim that chain store pizza is horrible, but their local so-called “real” pizza shop has kick ass pizza.  That’s a bunch of bullshit.  Most of the time, the local stores aren’t run by Italians at all.  In fact, it’s a whole separate debate whether or not Italians are the best people to make American pizza anyway.  All too often, the local Italian Restaurant is run by Mexicans and teenagers who serve shit pizza, sloppy white flour pasta with canned tomato sauce, and reconstituted Coca-Cola made from carbonated tap water and syrup.

Now, everyone has their own favorite kind of pizza, but this is the way I like it.  If the pizza is greasy, it’s made from poor ingredients.  If you have to towel off your slice, or hold it vertically to drain off orange liquid, that means that your pizza shop uses high-in-fat, low cost, bad for your health mozzeralla cheese.  Also, when I hold a slice vertically, not only should there not be any cheese fat dripping off the slice, but the cheese has to actually stay on the bread.  If it does not, the sauce is watered down and cheap and will likely slide right off of the pie with the first bite.  That is certain failure in my eyes.

The crust must be cooked enough to stay horizontal when you hold it by the crust.  That doesn’t necessarily mean that it has to be thin crust, but if it’s regular crust, it must be cooked enough to be firm.  It cannot be doughy or flimsy or soft.  The sauce doesn’t have to be made with actual fresh-cut ingredients, but it better have some oregano and basil and garlic flavor.  Sweetness is a sin.  Tomatoes are acidic, not sweet, and High Fructose Corn Syrup has no place in real tomato sauce.  SpaghettiOs, sure, but not pizza.

So, I really admire that Domino’s Pizza decided to shoot its own foot and admit that it’s product sucks.  They weren’t really claiming that they made the best pizza.  They promised that they would get you and your family or friends pizza damn quick, delivered in less than half an hour or it’s free.  And they did, for years, successfully.  And, they could have for years to come and continue to be profitable without rocking its own boat.

The local Domino’s Pizza is literally a mile from our house.  In the three years we’ve lived in Atco, we’ve gotten pizza from them twice.  The first time was the day we moved in because it was close, fast, cheap, and fed our friends quickly.   I wanted to try the new Domino’s pizza because they have been so damn bold in their advertising campaign.  Their introductory deal of two medium pies, each with two toppings, for 12 bucks, made it especially tempting.  We NEVER eat fast food, but I wanted to give this a shot as an experiment and, self-fulfilling enough, as a blog entry.

In a further test of the soundness of their business model,  I decided to order online.  I’m completely at ease ordering things online, but the Domino’s website was a whole new experience.  It truly kicks ass.  First of all, it worked flawlessly.  Subsequently, it had unmatched features.  The current coupons are right there, according to your locale.  You pick one and then proceed to fulfill the details of that coupon.  You can choose crust type, sauce type, and the toppings are divided into meat and non-meat varieties.  When you add a topping, you are given the choice of regular amount, extra amount, or light amount.  Furthermore, an interactive virtual pizza actually shows you what and how much your putting on your pie, which is a damn fine novelty.

We decided on two pies with normal crust, normal sauce and normal cheese, mostly because that is what we wanted to sample of their so-called new recipe.  One pie we decided to go with black olives and pineapple, and the other we went with extra spinach and extra feta cheese, a kind of Greek inspired pie.  After placing the order for pick up, and paying a couple of extra dollars for the Greek pizza, I was amazed by the awesomeness of Domino’s website.

As soon as you place your order, the website begins an interactive update of the progress of your pizza making.  It gives you the name of the person actually making your pizza, which must honestly be the name of the shift manager.  It also gives you the exact time of preparing, baking, quality control and readiness of your pies.  I’m sure that these are all just computer generated, but it’s pretty cool, and sure enough, accurate.

When we arrived, our pizzas were ready to go.  They smelled delicious on the ride home, but honestly, when does pizza not smell great?  So, here’s the real review of the brand new Domino’s pizza.

The ingredients were tasteful:  the pineapple was delicious, although I’m sure it was from a huge can, and the spinach taste very fresh.  The sauce was not as spicy nor as spicy (if you know what I mean) as the new ads claim.  It tasted like fairly regular pizza sauce.  The cheese was not cheap and greasy.  The crust was cooked well and the new butter and garlic paint job made the crust ends taste really delicious.

I enjoyed it.  I honestly like it better that a lot of pizza that is supposedly good.  It was cooked well, it wasn’t terribly disguising, and Domino’s website, customer service and accuracy were a welcomed bonus.  I’m not going to say that it was very healthy, or that we’ll be ordering every Friday like my family did for years, but for the price, it really can’t be beat.  I’ve had so-called real pies, and generally I’m out 15 bucks just to have my chin burned with piping hot cheese when I take my first bite.

And, even Poe liked it!


3 Responses to “Domino's Pizza Experiment”

  1. I agree, Dad and I had it in FR this past weekend, and it was very good. I had the thin crust with mushrooms and feta, and light on the cheese, and it was very tasty. We had it delivered and when the web site said out for delivery, it was there within 5 minutes, and the price was right…..

  2. So I finally decided that, I too, should try like new concoction that Dominos is hailing as their best yet. I ordered a pie yesterday that was half green peppers and half regular. I have to admit; it was nothing like their old pizza. It was so good, I had two slices. (omg.) I ended up feeling quite yucky afterward though which made work slightly less enjoyable. I think I’ve learned that eating pizza then dancing is not for me but I would consider ordering from them again sometime in the future, as we very rarely if ever get pizza.

  3. Jenny Glenning Perry Says:

    Ryan, this was informative and highly entertaining. I have been a vegetarian since I was 13 and wish I had a nickel for every time I was asked, “What do you eat?” I’m going to add this to my favorites and keep checking back. I’m a writer and love the written word. I love your authenticity and you always did have a biting wit. Hope all is well!

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