Archive for the Reflections Category

Christmas Trees or The Benefits of Blogging

Posted in Reflections on December 2, 2010 by Verge

We often say “I’ll never forget.”  It could refer to a hilarious time you and a few friends got drunk and did something ridiculous that will live in infamy within your crowd.  Perhaps it refers to a unique moment between two people who have experienced some life changing event together.

We try to clutch to memories because they are so pleasant to remember.  But, like bad times in our lives, even the good memories fade away.  We don’t do the things that remind us of them anymore.  We don’t see the same people that reminisce with us anymore.  Life goes on and things change.  Eventually, even the most emotionally amazing memories are only thought about once every few years, and then they die.

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I guess that’s a reason people keep journals, or in my case, a blog.  But, in a very weird sense, journals are sometimes more about processing than remembering, like a dream.  And I think it’s curious that I’ve always written in my journal with the idea that it would be someone else reading them in the future and not me.  In a sense, it was a running documentary of my life, not for me to relive, because I’ve already been there, but for someone else to read and think, “wow, this guy had an amazing, and sometimes terrible, life.”

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All of my journals, my pictures, my love letters from all of my girlfriends, old trophies, posters, patches, pennants…all of that stuff I keep in trunks and buckets in my attack.  Occasionally I take a peak, but not really. And, I’ve never felt it was appropriate to show that stuff to any friends or even my wife.  I always thought my journals would be something that someone discovered after I died, and would sit down and read and be thankful that I wrote all the things I wrote.

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But things do change, and the internet came along, and now I have this blog.  And, it’s an amazing sense that I feel when I know writing this stuff down gets immediately consumed by interested people.  I’m glad to share all these thoughts and crazy times with the people that read my blog.  I try to live my life every single day as if it might be one of my last and in a way, I think I use this blog to try to prove to myself and others that I have.

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Perhaps it’s a bit pessimistic that I need to reassure myself I’ve lived a great life, had a great time, but heh…we’ve all got issues.  One of the best side effects of writing this blog, though, is that it’s served to be my memory bank.  I won’t remember all the things I’ve written about forever, but they’ll exist here for a very long time, and I, or anyone else in the world, can check back into the history of my life whenever we want.

cheers to another year of future memories...

Do you hate people because of their religion?

Posted in Reflections on August 9, 2010 by Verge

Quick!  What religion was Timothy McVeigh?  How bout his co-conspirator Terry Nichols?  You know the guys.  There the ones who blew up that building in Oklahoma city a few years back.  Can you remember why they did it?  Why did they kill hundreds of people?  And what God did they worship?

How bout those kids at Columbine?  Do you know what religion they were?  Who did they worship come Sunday, or Saturday, of any day?  Do you remember why they killed all those kids in the library that day?

Oh, and don’t forget the Unabomber (Ted Kaczynski), the Anthrax mail sender and the DC Snipers, too.  What religion were all of them?  Can you remember?  Do you remember the reasons that all of these people did what they did – harm and kill innocent people they didn’t even personally know?

Maybe their all too small.  Okay.  How bout this one…when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, what God were they worshiping?  Seriously, do you know?  What religion did most Japanese people follow in 1940?  And, can you remember why they decided to bomb the United States, a country that had not attacked them in any way ever?

There is a good reason you probably can only, at best, make a guess to any of these questions of religion.  That’s because you probably just view these characters of history as brutal murderers, simple as that.  They had their reasons to do what they did.  Not one of them, though, decided to kill because they wanted to wage a religious genocide.

The reason I bring up all these acts of terrorism is to point out that religion didn’t really play into any of their decisions.  And I want to further point out that, when we look back on the 9/11 attacks, we should also not view it as the acts of a group of Muslims.  Recently protesters have gathered in lower Manhattan to vocalize their disgust that a Mosque is going to be built within sight of the former World trade Centers.  They say that this is disrespectful and tasteless.

While I cannot possibly argue that they shouldn’t feel offended, I can argue that they should not protest.  Have they forgotten that the same document that allows them to protest allows anyone to worship as they please?  Muslims own the land that they want to build on.  If the protesters are so offended, they can raise funds and buy the land and build whatever they want on it.  A church, a Starbucks, a school…whatever.  But the fact remains that they don’t own the land and a group of Muslims want to build a place of worship there.

To be afraid of Muslims because of 9/11 is ridiculous.  Nearly all Muslims are peaceful, well-adjusted people.  Just like nearly all Christians, Jews, Buddhists, Hindus and even Atheists are peaceful, well-adjusted people.  Being Muslims is just one of many characteristics that the terrorists of 9/11 shared.  What it all comes down to is that the thing the terrorists all shared, and what we should all fear, is deranged terrorists.  Not Muslims.  Not Men.  Not Saudi Arabians.  Not Pilots.  Not 30-50 year olds.  Not people with Black hair (yep, they all had black hair!).  We need to be afraid of radical extremists who are willing to kill for their own, twisted reasons.

The terrorists that participated in the 9/11 attacks weren’t bred to be that way.  Many of them were raised in normal, middle to upper class families, and were well educated and well adjusted. At some point, they became ensnared in rhetoric and were convinced that Americans were evil.  They hated America, capitalism, freedom.  They did not target Christianity.  If they had wanted to wage war on Christianity, they could have flown a plane into the Vatican.  They did not.  They flew it into a financial center, and the Pentagon, two institutions that have nothing to do with religion.  To further point out that they did not target Christianity, I remind you that the victims of the September 11 attacks were from all religions, from over 70 countries, young and old, dark and light skinned.  And, if you’d like to see some evidence of some ridiculously crazy people who raise their children to wage a religious war, watch Jesus Camp.

To think that Muslims should not be allowed to build a Mosque anywhere they want is simply ridiculous.  Christians of various sects bomb abortion clinics.  Does that mean we should protest church’s if they anywhere close to a Family Planning Center?

Both groups are right and both are wrong.  Muslims have every right to express their religious freedom just as the protester have every right to legally and peacefully assemble.  And both are wrong.  The Muslims should have had the forethought to imagine that their chosen location may have raised more than a few eyebrows.  The protesters have clearly forgotten the foundations on which our country was formed.  However, there is one huge difference.  Only one of the two groups has taken the acts of an insane few and assumed that ALL members of that group will act in the  same way and manner.  That is called bigotry.

By the way…Timothey McVeigh and Terry Nichols were both Christians, Ted Kacznski detested religion, the kids at Columbine were both raised Catholic (Christian), the Japanese are a sort of mix of Christianity, Buddhism and Islam, among others, the DC Snipers were John Allen Muhammad, a Muslim, and Lee Boyd Malvo, a Christian, actually aProtestant,  actually a Seventh Day Adventist,… not that it matters.  And for the record, Muslims love Jesus.

Paper Gifts

Posted in Good Times, Reflections, Vegan and Vegetarian Lifestyle with tags , , on May 21, 2010 by Verge

So, May 17th was the first anniversary of my marriage to Monika.  This year, our actual anniversary fell on Monday, which isn’t the best of days to celebrate or go out to dinner.  Instead, we decided to revisit the beautiful place we got married for our anniversary dinner, the Valley Green Inn.

The VGI has great vegan and vegetarian food, but you wouldn’t exactly know it at first glance.  They don’t really have regular vegetarian choices on their menu.  However, I knew that they had tons of choices, so I emailed them to ask if it was possible if they could prepare us something special.

With better restaurants, this is a must.  As an email exchange I had with one of the managers of VGI confirmed, chef’s often enjoy the opportunity to cook something new.  Specifically, he said that their head chef was going to go to the local market to buy items that were fresh and in season for our dinner.

We arrived in the Wissahickon Valley around 530 for our 6 PM reservation.  It was a mild night and the park was teeming, so we hiked in from the upper lot.  When we checked in at the hostess desk, she wished us a happy anniversary, and we got to sit outside on the porch just 50 feet away from where we were married last year.

Of course, we order a bottle of Champagne.  The waitress handed us menus, but then quickly realized we were “the vegetarians.”  I told her we were eating whatever the cook wanted to serve us and that’s exactly how it went down.  We started with two fresh salads, and our entree was a mix of vegetables and sauces, all of which were teeming with flavor and quite satisfying.  I also had a martini and Monika stuck to the champagne.

We almost never order dessert.  Most of the time, it’s too full of fat, and neither of us like cake at all.  But, we decided we should try some and ordered a sorbet  with fruit “leather.”  When it arrived, the chef had carefulyl written in chocolate, on the rim of the plate, “Happy 1st Anniversary.”  Really, above and beyond our expectations by far.

I really didn’t care what the meal cost.  I had told the chef originally that I would be happy to pay whatever price he thought was fair for the off-the-menu entrees he was serving us.  Well, I have no idea what that price might have been.  Our entrees weren’t on the bill at all.

The waitress informed us that our entire meal, drinks and all, was on the house.  I can’t explain how floored we were at the level of graciousness The Valley Green Inn showed in helping us make our first anniversary dinner a special one.  The waitress got a pretty damn nice tip from us.

Then, we took some pictures at the exact spot we were married.  I really can’t believe it’s been a year already.  As time goes on, there may never again be such a collection of wonderful people at one of our parties.  I hope, at least, a party of two will return here every year for the rest of our lives.

Oh, and the title of this blog…that refers to the type gift one is to give your wife on your first anniversary.  So, this is what she got from me this year.

a beautiful writing journal...

...our first blotter art piece; it is the start of a new collection...

The Birth of Rising Sun Lodge

Posted in Masonic Insights with tags on May 5, 2010 by Verge

Tonight was the inaugural communication (first meeting) of the largest masonic lodge in the state of New Jersey.  It was formed from three former Lodges who surrendered their charters last week at the Grand Lodge communication in Atlantic City.  Its first gathering was held, and will continue to be held at the masonic building near the speedline in downtown Haddonfield.

There are a handful of elected officers in the “line,” the hierarchy of the Master, Wardens and Deacons.  Then there are appointed offices, of which I have been appointed Chaplain.  I’ve served as Chaplain in my former Lodge, and now have the honor of being in the officers’ line in the very first year of the new Lodge.

My old Lodge was 100 years old.  The other two that merged with ours were nearly as old as well.  It really is an amazing honor to be part of the foundation of a new Lodge, the newest, the largest and hopefully the longest lasting fraternity of masonic brothers currently in this state.

I am especially delighted that I’m the Chaplain.  People who know me may wonder how the hell I became the spiritual direction of my fraternity.  But I see my appointment as a testament to how masonry works.  I’ve always explored different disciplines, theologies, philosophies…and though I’ve never completely settled on a single one, I can always find some facet of each that has value.  Masonry doesn’t care what you believe, only that you are in awe of something.  I certainly am, and think I can express that in as much a universal way as anyone can.

The Verge of Tears??

Posted in Reflections with tags , on April 16, 2010 by Verge

Okay, so I’ve changed to name of my blog for several reasons.   I originally thought that this was going to be a joint venture between me and Monika, but soon realized that I have much too large of an opinion and angle on any subject to imagine me and anyone else, including my wife, always seeing eye to eye.

The old name, Vegan Robot, was cute and all, but was really a nod to Monika, because after all, she is vegan…and a robot.  Well, she beeps a lot, and tries to reprogram me from time to time.  That’s all the evidence I need.

The truth is that as sarcastic a bastard as I usually try to be, I’m actually a pretty emotional guy.  If you’ve been reading my blog from the beginning, then I think you’ll know what I talking about.

Being on the verge of tears isn’t a bad thing at all. You can be on the verge of tears because you’re insanely happy as well as sad.  Perhaps you’re watching your loved one touch down on the tarmac after a tour in Afghanistan.  Maybe you’ve just found your kid in the basement closet after frantically calling the police because you thought he was kidnapped.  Maybe it’s just been a long week and you’re getting a massage from someone who loves you.

Of course, there’s just as many reasons to be on the verge of tears from sadness.  Not too long ago, I tried to learn a song on guitar so Monika and I could play it together.  It’s something we like to do for fun and to pass the time on our couch when we don’t feel like watching TV.  For two weeks I tried to learn all the lyrics and chords to Regina Spektor’s “Laughing With.”  I finally gave up when I couldn’t make it through the second verse without welling up.  Watch the video and listen to the lyrics and you’ll know what I mean.  Good Luck!

Letting your emotions get the best of you can be rather cathartic.  Sometimes it’s necessary to let things go and finally stop holding back.  And sometimes being on the verge of doing just that can be filled with such emotional struggle that it’s a feeling that is unmistakable.

Not every day can be filled with such importance or  such heavy meaning.  But even little things, every day, can bear deep layers of relevance when you scratch the surface.  Looking beneath and behind everyday normalness is where we can find connections we take for granted or overlook.  That can bring us closer to a more inner connected meaning in our lives.

Finding that place is what I try to do.  And, in part, is why I started this blog in the first place.  Even the smallest of things can be looked at from many different angles.  Some of them are mundane or typical.  Some of them, at the right time, in a unique light, can bring us to the verge of tears.

Mining

Posted in Reflections with tags , , on April 10, 2010 by Verge

They held on for over a week, waiting in desperate anticipation.  Perhaps they’ll be found alive.  They’re nothing lost in hoping…waiting…crying.

Maybe there is balance.  Blame doesn’t resurrect.  Money doesn’t fill holes that are bottomless.  But someone has to pay, right?

Or, do we all collectively?  Everyone has their time.  Who are we to blame in the end?  If we choose to believe in a creator, then we cannot avoid blaming him.  Blame, then, seems like too strong a word.  Perhaps lawsuits should be settled in an afterlife.

Eulogy

Posted in Reflections with tags , , on March 25, 2010 by Verge

This morning I attended an incredibly sad funeral for the wife of a pretty close friend of mine.  It wasn’t an unexpected death, as she had been battling cancer for the last four years.  She had the opportunity to settle things in her life and with her family and friends.  She had the chance to say goodbye to her husband and 9 year old daughter before she fell into her unending sleep, a chance many who leave us never get.

Today was her funeral and now, slowly but surely, the recovery can begin.  Maybe not tonight, or next week, but sometime soon, everyone will finally take another breath, choke back their last tears for now, and begin to remember the good memories before the difficult times arrived.

I’m not very good with funerals and that’s no surprise to my family.  A eulogy is something of a complete emotional gushing, a necessary and very public way of saying good bye.  Today’s handful of eulogies certainly had almost all of the 300 people at the service on the verge of tears.  Who could blame nearly all of us for finally breaking when a 9 year old daughter without her mommy took the podium last.  Standing on an impromptu riser so she could reach the microphone, with a smile, she managed to say “I know my mommy loved me because she told me so in a letter she wrote to me before she died” before breaking into sudden, overwhelming tears.

The room thick with empathy, her father completed her thoughts for her with incredible fortitude.

Road Trip to Ohio

Posted in Good Times, Reflections with tags , , on February 9, 2010 by Verge

Two weekends ago Monika and I traveled to Ohio to help Sam move to a new life.  But, before I get to that, I’ll rewind to last Thursday.

Thursday nights are my regularly scheduled gig at Manny Brown’s in Philly.  This is ideal because I don’t have to work on Fridays.  It was a decent show with Tom on drums and three long sets.  Even though most of the material was recycled, we had mixed the sets up that night, and threw in a few songs that we had just learned.

The next morning, I couldn’t sleep in for too long because Monika and I had to pick up Sam and head to the airport to pick up Tuk who had flown in from Pittsburgh.  His flight was on time and he was waiting to be picked up when we arrived, which is fantastic because I didn’t have to deal with the pick-up area Nazis that yell at you if your car is stopped for more than 20 seconds.

And so, at that moment, when Tuk threw his small suitcase and garment bag into the back of the Element, our brief vacation began.  At 11 am, we headed to Champps in Marlton.  The girls needed to go to Joyce Leslie for some last minute accouterments for that evening’s party.  Tuk and I sat down for a few beers.  Tuk ordered a Yuengling, a beer that’s not available in Ohio, for some strange reason.  I had Hop Devil and a shot of well bourbon.

Eventually we all had a drink together and toasted the weekend ahead.  Sam’s going away party was that night, and we had themed it Steampunk.  Steampunk is a strange mix of Victorianism, Turn-of-the-Century Industrialism and Futurism.  It’s hard to describe, but once you have a grasp, you can spot it when you see it.

We drove to downtown Medford to Scherzer’s Antiques in search of some accessories.  There, surprisingly, we found just what we were looking for.  I tracked down a great clip-on monocles with a gold chain that I later attached to some old keys I had laying around.  We all got ourselves an antique cap gun, and I managed to score a really old Masonic tux button.

The party that night was incredible.  I didn’t expect it to be our biggest ever, but it came close.  I think we had at least 50 people come out to see Sam off to her new life in Ohio.  There’s a ton of photos on all of our Facebooks, so you can track everything that happened that night online.  Monika and I made it all the way to 5 am because we were acting the hosts, and did so accordingly.  Tuk, among others, passed out by midnight, and missed a ton of fun.

The next morning we picked up the best we could before the next party began.  Some who had slept at our house had left, and others hung around for the second round.  I was supposed to play a show on Saturday night in Philly, but because the roads were in poor condition because of the snow, and because Tom no longer had his own transportation, we bailed, and instead, partied.  Monika and Sam made it out at some point to take care of Sam’s dog in Lindenwold, but returned shortly to the festivities.

The next morning, we woke up late, of course, and had to load the truck.  Craig and Kat helped along with Lorie, and we did a damn fine job.  Three pizzas and three hours later, we were ready to head to Ohio.  Intent on getting there by 11, we headed out.

I wasn’t sure if my car was going to make it because I had had a nail in my tire and was worried about a flat.  I was further concerned that the cat that we were toting would not make it all the way to Ohio without going to the bathroom or throwing up.  Amazingly, neither happened.

We stopped several times along the way to let Rocky, who was riding in the cab of the U-haul with Sam and Tuk, run around and go to the bathroom.  We stopped for gas and all met up at a rest stop just outside the Ohio border for dinner.

We did get to Sam’s new home just before 11 at night.  We made it safe though Tuk did score himself a nice little $160 speeding ticket.  It was obviously dark so we couldn’t unpack anything from the truck.  Instead, we improvised a kitty litter box with some torn up paper.  We needed to run out to the store at midnight to grab a padlock for the truck.

Needless to say, there wasn’t a whole lot to do except party.  This is a picture of the first shot I’ve ever drank in Ohio.  It wasn’t the last of the night.

The next morning we sent the girls out to get breakfast while me and Tuk unpacked.  They discovered a thrift store and so by the time they got back the truck was almost empty.  We put a good deal of Sam’s things in the basement where they could be sorted later, and spend the rest of the afternoon unboxing the kitchen.

Later that night we had to go to Sam’s new job for a minute so she could check in with her new boss.  I had to tell Lorie and Monika to settle down.  You can see why…

On the way home, Tuk treated us all to dinner at a Thai restaurant.  The service was poor, but the food was fantastic.  We were the last ones in the place when they closed.  They had a ton of vegetarian options and the seaweed salad was surprisingly tasty.

We spend the remainder of the night hanging out in Sam’s new living room, watching a movie, then talking over a movie, then all passing out.

The next morning, we had to leave Sam and Tuk and Rocky big-head and Akasha in Ohio.  Lorie, Monika and I made good time coming home, and no one cried when we left that morning.  Perhaps we all wanted to a little, but we think  Sam is going to do just fine in Ohio.

On the way home, we encountered the snow storm that was rolling into New Jersey last Tuesday.  We could see the back wall of the storm in the distance, and then we were inside it.  It snowed pretty heavily for an hour or two, slowing us down for a bit.  But, like Sam, with some persistence and determination, we got through it all, and drove out of the storm unscathed, and made it all the way home.

The Charm of Analog & The Design Argument

Posted in Reflections with tags , , , , on January 4, 2010 by Verge

I really do love technology.   But, it can really boil my blood as well.  I have punched my computers on several occasions as if they might work better if my knuckles were bleeding.

Sometimes, analog just works.  But what’s really charming about it is its simplicity.  Like a Rube Golberg machine, the harmony of specialized parts working together in unison is just plain romantic.

Monika bought me a steampunk pocket watch for Christmas, and I’m in love with it.  I stupidly believed it to be broken until I realized that I had to actually wind the watch to keep it functioning.  Now I can’t keep my eyes off of the spinning wheels, the mechanical way the crown winds the gears, the way the seconds jerks off each passing moment in a way that the smooth movement of quartz cannot.

Recently I’ve been fascinated with nixie tubes as well.  These vacuum tubes from the middle of last century predated LCD displays.  They could display any number from 0 to 10 by illuminating different coils in a tube.  The coils were stacked neatly inside, and when a charge was applied, they would glow a warm orange.  They’re not too useful these days but for the nostalgia of the pre-digital revolution.  If I had more soldering prowess, I might buy some of these on ebay and make something useless and wonderful.

Having come from a background in audio recording as well, I can tell you that the majority of audio engineers still use analog components when they can.  They’re not as clean, not as noise free, not as perfect…but they’re perfect sounding in a whole other way.  They’re warm, and actually sound like the 50’s through 70’s when analog tape was all that was ever used.

I’m not much of an antiques collector, but I’m thinking of becoming one.  I can appreciate the amazing capacity of a micro chip to solve equations, billions of time a second, and how much that that helps make our lives easier.  But I want to see the calculations, sometimes.

I want to see the wizard behind the curtain, to be sure that what’s going on is real.  It’s just fascinating to see the unobjectionable craftsmanship of a watch working, in the palm of your hand, dividing time into hours and minutes and seconds.  In many ways, it’s the same desire as longing  to stare into the face of God.  How can such beauty in the universe not be carefully manufactured?

Beginnings and Endings

Posted in Good Times, Reflections with tags on December 23, 2009 by Verge

The snow this past weekend was surreal.  Okay, maybe it was the alcohol, too, but nothing changes the character of moments quite like a blizzard.  Everything is so quiet, and peaceful, even though there is impending doom.  It reminds me of the clips online just before the Christmas 2004 tsunami, when tourists ran out into the sudden low tide on the beaches of Indonesia, not realizing it was the lion’s den.

Monika and I spent the weekend, shut in, with very close friends.  We went to karaoke in Philly on Friday night, and when we left, the snow had just begun to fall.  By Saturday morning, we were practically snowed in at our friends’ apartment, and fled with them to our place.  We had been taking care of my best friend’s house while he was away in Florida visiting his family, and his pets needed our attention.

I had tried to stem the surge of snow with my snowblower, and took care of everyone I was able to on my block.  This repeated until Sunday morning.  I’m still sore from all the shoveling I did, mostly because a lot of my neighbors are single parents.  I’ve lived here for four years and I can’t tell you much more that a handful of my neighbor’s names, but in the face of emergency, names and formalities don’t really matter.  Without asking for anything, my good deeds were rewarded with a case of my favorite beer, Hop Devil, and five loaves of whole wheat bread.

It was an emergency here for several reasons.  In Atco, we got 25″ of snow.  My gazebo collapsed under the weight.  I pushed multiple cars out of their stranded abandon.  When I tried to reach the local supermarket, I was blocked by a fire truck that had run off the road and blocked the entire street.  But, we didn’t lose power, or gas, and though I saw a few wrecks, I didn’t see anyone hurt, or slip on ice, or worse.  I will say that there are more than a few gutters in my neighborhood that need to be replaced, but that ain’t bad for what we were up against.

What is really amazing about something like this is that people come together.  I met people that I’ve never seen before on my block, and we had brotherly bonds for one brief moment, because, in the end, we were equally screwed by Mother Nature.  That just feels right to me.  And, we spent a great deal of time with two friends that really needed a weekend like we had.

One is wrestling with the end of something great in her life, and it’s not going to be easy.  It’s hard to accept that all things come to pass, or change, or evolve for better or worse.  Life is fluid, and closure only comes when we embark upon new horizons.

The other can barely contain herself and is looking to begin a new life, in a new place, with someone she never expected to be with.  That is amazing, and it forces us, ourselves, to swallow the sometimes bitter pill that all things come to an end of sorts.  We hope that it truly means the start of a new relationship that stretches not only far distances, but even further and deeper love.

And in the end, beginnings and endings are not so different after all.  Sometimes the only difference if a change of perspective.  Maybe it comes from someone you know, with encouraging words, or helpful insight.  Sometimes it comes from a simple epiphany when a stranger talks to you on the street one random day.  And sometimes it takes a blizzard of situations, that make us realize we’re all in this together, and we’re better off if we all stick together, in whatever ways we can.